tom shillue
Comedy • Writing • Television
Do you know comedian Tom Shillue? (the Gutfeld guy) This is kind of his private club, for the public. Come on in and hang out.
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17 hours ago

“Salmon Fishing”

On ‘The Russian River’.

It was hot for a late June Alaska morning on the Russian river.
The mosquitos were out, and his cigar stump went out…
The smoke was effective in keeping the bugs away…
So he told himself.
His four year old son was playing on the bank behind him.
He was standing on a ‘spit’ of mud, and the king salmon were thick.
The ‘rule’ was, you couldn’t just snag the fish, you had to ‘hook’ them in the mouth, or in front of the gills.
Just then he felt a ‘nibble’ on his fly, so he gave his rod a little flick with his wrist to set the hook..
Damn it!!
The hook set too far back…
“James Michael!!” He called to his little boy.
“Yes Daddy?”
“Get over here and land this fish…”
Another ‘rule’ was there was a limit of three salmon a day per person, based on who ‘landed’ the fish.
So, he brought all four of his kids.
His oldest son fished for himself now that he was 13. His two daughters would land theirs early and would walk the banks of the Russian, selling his hand tied flys from a cigar box. He would split the money 70/30 with the girls. After the baby, James ‘caught’ his three, the girls were responsible for him also.
The little boy was standing expectantly next to his father. James had done this several times and knew what he was supposed to do.
“Here take the rod, and reel it in like I showed you..”
He knew he was going to throw this one back. There were Rangers everywhere watching. Some even undercover as fishermen.
They would fine you in a heartbeat.
He reached into his pocket to retrieve his Zippo.
He popped the top with a ‘click’, and struck a flame.
Held it up and relit his ever present cigar.
He watched his little boy fight the salmon. They both were ‘big’uns’.
It was a fair fight…
They both weighed about 45 pounds…
The boy slipped and fell, immediately got up, and yelled in anger at the big salmon.
He had gotten the big fish to within three to four yards of the mud spit, when a Ranger stepped out of the woods.
“Hey! Aren’t you going to help that boy?!?” The Ranger asked
Father looked up and answered
“Well, no, it’s good for him, tires his little ass out, besides, have to throw it back anyway…”
The Ranger watched the boy fight mightily with the salmon.
“Wow, that’s one of the biggest kings I’ve ever seen… I’ll be damned…” with that the Ranger grabbed a net, and waded into the river.
The Ranger reached out with the net and netted the fighting fish…
It was a big one. The Ranger began wading back to the mud spit as he reached in and lifted the fish..
It was huge, easily the largest he’d ever seen.
The hook was in the fishes back, just behind the gills.
“See, I told you, I’m going to have to throw it back.” The father stated.
The Ranger smiled and looked at the little tow headed boy “I’ll be damned, he fought this fish, he gets to keep it. Hold your arms up son, like you’re flying.”
The little boy looked up at his father “Go ahead James Michael do as the Ranger tells you.”
The little boy held his arms up, shoulder height, palms forward.
The Ranger squatted down in front of the boy and with effort held the salmon up. It was about four inches longer than the boys outstretched arms.
“You’re pretty big for a six year old..”
“He’s four..” the father said.
“I’ll be damned..” the Ranger said as he put the salmon on the fathers stringer..

Over the years, when fishing ‘tales’ were told.. He would tell the story of his little boy’s salmon. It would end with a call for the boy to demonstrate with outstretched arms.
“He was this big and four inches longer…”
The father thought this a great joke the older and larger the boy grew.

The last time James, now ‘Jim’, visited his father in the hospital.
He was almost 91. He wasn’t always lucid, he had moments when the old man knew who he was talking too.
Jim walked up and stood to the right of his father’s bed.
He was 60 now.
A grandfather himself.
And a very large man.
The old man looked up at him, smiled and said
“How big was that fish James Michael?!?”
He held his arms up, shoulder height, palms forward, just like the Ranger said.
“This big Daddy, and four inches longer…”

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